My late mother, Judith Eve (Busby) Johnson, would have been 77 today. Happy birthday Mom! You are loved — always. Thanks for your loving, and sometimes stern, hand. You taught me well.
I can’t figure out which one of the terms in the title of this post is most appropriate or fitting. I can’t put my finger on the exact emotion just yet, but I know that I am struggling. Specifically, I am having a hard time with weight management.
To put it plainly — trying different approaches to nutrition and fitness, with no real tangible results is emotionally exhausting. I am seriously trying to ward off “the Fuckits.” (See my first Operation Twenty12 post to understand what that means.)
I started with the idea of ‘going primal,’ a concept developed by Mark Sisson. For one reason or another, I’m still not sure why, I drifted away from the Primal Blueprint. About a month ago, I started doing a little reading on a book by Tim Ferris called The 4 Hour Body. Intrigued by the simplicity, I ordered the book, and have attempted to follow the suggested path for weight loss and fitness. After a few weeks on the 4-Hour Body regimen, I feel no more connected to something that works for me than I did at the beginning of Operation Twenty12.
I don’t know about you, but there is nothing more deflating than to stop on a scale and see no change, or have the numbers increase. W.T.F.? I had a moment this morning where I was on the verge of tears after the digital readout appeared on the scale. I think that having to take my son to school is the only thing that kept me from staying home today. I’m calling in “sick” (with despair). It’s a long road with no end in sight.
Am I being a tad melodramatic? Perhaps. But this shit is real, and it hurts. I mean, really hurts…in a way that I had previously underestimated.
I was bending the ear of a friend at work today about this (I appreciate you listening, Francis), and while talking I was reminded of the point of Operation Twenty12. My goal was not to build Rome in a day, if you will; but, instead, give myself the entire year to make changes, improvements, tweaks, or simply engage in a healthy dose of self love. I have discovered that I am far more accepting of others than I am of myself.
What also came out of my talk with Francis is that I have a rather embarrassing streak of taking the path of least resistance. Though I’m not afraid of hard work, I do seem to find a way to get out of, or dodge, things that require a good dose of physical exertion. Back in 1985, I received an honorable discharge (medical) from the Marines while in boot camp. However, to be honest, I never pushed back too hard against the discharge because boot camp was wearing my ass out. To this day, I still feel like a quitter for not fighting through some legitimate pain to finish boot camp. I think since that time, I have probably only pushed myself once to reach a goal. In May of 2003, I was tipping the scales at almost 300 pounds. I read about the Atkins diet, and jumped in with both feet. I stayed in the Induction Phase throughout the summer, and worked out every day. By the end of the summer, I was down to 238 pounds and felt great. However, my goal was to get down to 200 pounds. I found that no matter what I did, losing more weight was seemingly impossible. Whereas I should have been patient, and transitioned into the second phase of the Atkins diet, I gave up Atkins altogether. I kept most of the weight off for over a year; only gaining seven pounds.
Subsequent to that initial experience with Atkins, I have been unable to replicate the weight loss — usually just a short-term effort. With each attempt and failure, I would get a new case of the “Fuckits!” and put on some more weight. I joined two different gyms. Again, because I have apparently become allergic to hard physical effort, I have resisted working with a trainer, or even joining the free fitness classes at the gym. When it comes to weight loss and working out, I’ve sadly opted with flight in the “fight or flight” choice.
I am sure that I am not the only person who reaches a certain point, stops to looks at his/her body, sighs heavily and thinks, “How in this hell did I get here?” If we are to be honest with ourselves, the answer is usually pretty obvious, but it doesn’t make the sense of defeat any easier to handle. Nevertheless, I am going to do my best to get back into the spirit of Operation Twenty12, and shake off feeling sorry for myself. I know that feeling emotionally and physically defeated can be overcome, but I may need more help that I imagined.
If you have any advice for me, or want to share how you turned dread and defeat into personal victory, please do so in the comments. I
want need to hear from you.
On Monday, Memorial Day, Carla and I went for brunch at David Burke’s Burke in the Box in Bloomingdale’s on Lexington Avenue. After eating, we decided that it was best to preempt the more-than-likely onset of a food coma (or “the itis”) by walking back to the West Side. While strolling through Central Park, we kicked around the idea of seeing a movie. I checked my phone to see what was showing at the Lincoln Plaza Cindema (indie movies), as well as the Lowes Lincoln Center, both on Broadway. None of the movies at the indie theater really jumped out at us, so I checked what was playing at the Lowes. We really weren’t in the mood for Men In Black 3 (4? 12? I can’t remember which installment it’s up to.) I saw the Moonrise Kingdom on the list. I usually keep up with movie releases, but I had not heard of this movie.
I gave the condensed synopsis a quick glance.
Set on an island off the coast of New England in the 1960s, Moonrise Kingdom follows a young boy and girl falling in love. When they are moved to run away together, various factions of the town mobilize to search for them and the town is turned upside down – which might not be such a bad thing. Bruce Willis plays the town sheriff; two-time Academy Award nominee Edward Norton is cast as a camp leader; Academy Award nominee Bill Murray and Academy Award winner Frances McDormand portray the young girl’s parents; the cast also includes Academy Award winner Tilda Swinton and Jason Schwartzman. The young boy and girl are played by Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward.
The plot looked good, and the cast definitely piqued our interest. Check out the official trailer for the movie.
We decided to see the 2:35 screening, and I am so glad that we did. What a great movie! The acting is great, and the cinematography is rich. The movie pulls you in. It’s quirky, touching, and funny. If you are looking for a good movie, I would highly recommend Moonrise Kingdom if it’s in a theater near you. Click here to find out where Moonrise Kingdom is showing.
If you’ve seen Moonrise Kingdom, or go see it, please let me know what you thought in the comments.
Let us all take a moment (or more) today to remember and honor all of our fellow Americans that made the ultimate sacrifice wearing the stars and stripes. Irrespective of politics, or where you come down on the right or wrong of a particular war or battle, we should always honor and respect those who geared up and served as the spear or the shield for our country — spanning time from Lexington & Concord to Kandahar.
Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave. Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war. — Thucydides
- Beating the Anxiety of Online Reading — Leo Babauta
- Beware of Marital Drift — Corey Allan
- How I Eat — David Lebovitz
- I am Mom Enough — Mocha Mamma
- The Next Asia Is Africa: Inside the Continent’s Rapid Economic Growth — Howard W. French
- Does Facebook Turn People Into Narcissists? — Tara Parker-Pope
- Space Junk: Why it is Time to Clean Up the Skies — Sharon Weinberger
- 14 Rules for Being YOU — Marc and Angel Hack Life
- Daily Life: May 2012 — The Big Pictures/The Boston Globe
- Joshua Foer: Step Outside Your Comfort Zone and Study Yourself Failing — The 99%
- More Men Enter Fields Dominated by Women – Shaila Dewan & Robert Gebeloff
- Nexus Smartphones: Who Wins, Who Loses if Google Launches Android 5.0 in Multiple Handsets? — Nathan Olivarez-Giles
- Conservatives and the Professional Black Friend — Jelani Cobb
- Xerox CEO: ‘If You Don’t Transform, You’re Stuck’ — NPR
- Bradley Horowitz on Google+: ‘We Are Building a Product for Humanity’ — Dieter Bohn
- The Myth of English as a Global Language — Tom Shippey
- Chuck Brown: An Elegy for Chocolate City — Jeff Chang
- Double Lives On The Down Low — Benoit Denizet-Lewis
- Uninspiring by Design — Joshua Topolsky
- So You Are Interested in Becoming a Photographer — Steve Giralt
Shutter Island — Team Nine
The Power of Networks — RSA Animates
Annular Solar Eclipse — mrcorypoole
A Momentary Lapse of London — David Roveri
Carmen McRae — I Fall in Love Too Easily
What is the most interesting thing you read, saw, or watched this week? Please share a link in the comments.
Happy 17th Birthday, Noah!
My how time flies.
You are the greatest son a father could ever have, and a daily gift to my life.