i am opting out of social media
photo credit: eddy joaquim
Almost two years ago, I can’t believe it’s been that long, I reached a troubling point in my life of information overload. I decided at that time to take a social media sabbatical. It was one of those things where I was careful look at my issues, and not lay blame on something or someone. I felt that taking some time off from social media would help me focus and hone in on what drives my rather compulsive online, social media engagement. After three months, I made a return to social media. At the time, I felt like I had gained some perspective, and would be much better about limiting the time and energy put into services like Facebook, Twitter, and Google Buzz (now Google+). I don’t know if I would go so far as to say that I had concurred my demons, so to speak, but I had the intention of being more aware of time spent on social media, and even attempting to set up more structured patterns for my activity.
Fast forward to June 2012, and I feel that I am teetering between the same space I found myself in 2010 and a place that’s a bit further down into the rabbit hole. Like before, it’s not really as easy as saying that I woke up one morning with a glowing light bulb over my head. No. The impulse or desire to jettison social media from my everyday life has been building for a while. The drivers have been varied.
Perhaps I saw this coming. When I made my return to social media, I wrote the following:
I reached a burn out point with social media, and though I’m returning, it’s definitely with a cautious approach. I may, in the end, decide that the return only confirmed that my time off was the right thing to do, and I’ll just shut the whole thing down and return to calling and emailing my friends.
Here is my take on the social networks that consume way too much of my time and attention span.
Facebook
Facebook has probably become the center of love/hate relationship with social media. I can’t, and don’t, blame Facebook for my compulsive check-in issue. That’s my stuff and I have to own it. What I’ve come to hate, though, is Facebook’s growing watchful eye and pervasive fingerprint on, seemingly, everything that I do online. Nearly every site, including this blog, has Facebook tie-ins. That’s fine, but what has really started to sour me on Facebook is the need to have a Facebook account to function online. There are a number of sites that require you to have a Facebook account to comment on article. The real kicker was Spotify requiring a Facebook account to join. The company says that it’s all about being social with music. I can see the benefit of wanting to share music I like with others, but Facebook should be an add-on, not a requirement. The only way I could see having a Facebook account to join a site is if Facebook owned the service — such as Instagram. I love that I am able to keep up with family and friends on Facebook, but I’ve reached a point where the benefit is starting to be overtaken by the negatives of the site itself.
Twitter
I made a conscious effort to remove people that I kept up with on Facebook, namely because their posts were redundant. I have always viewed Twitter more as a news ticker, and less of a means to keep tabs on friends and family. The issue with news tickers is that, unless it repeats, you miss stuff when you’re away. Of course, I can always use the search feature in Twitter to find specific people and their posts. Likewise, I can create specific tabs within HootSuite to follow individuals or particular topics. At some point, Twitter because an interesting place to pop in, see what’s happening, click a few links, and pop out. The problem, however, became that I was not practicing the last part. I didn’t pop out. I’d keep Twitter open in a tab all the time, and click into it more and more.
Google+
Google Buzz was an interesting service, but it was a bit too one-off for most people. Google never really seemed to know what it wanted Google Buzz to be. A lot of early adopters jumped on board, but even we openly complained. It appears that Google took note, and used some of the elements of Buzz to develop Google+. In my eyes, Google is building something really compelling in the social media space. Google+ allows you, with ease, to share things with one person, a select group or groups (known as Circles), or publicly. Notifications are really well done, and you can mute posts if you’re tired of getting updates. The treatment of photos on Google+ is far better than on any other social platform. The Hangout feature is a great way to video chat with one or up to 10 people at the same time. Finally, for the grammar nerd in me, one of the best features of Google+ is the ability to edit your posts and comments at any time.
Google+ actually is the one place where I am going to make a caveat to my withdrawal from social media. I have been working to get all of my cousins, spread out throughout country, on Google+ so that we can do Hangouts and share stories and photos. We could probably do all of this Skype and our own website, but I don’t know if it’s worth it to reinvent the wheel. I may just “Uncircle” everyone except my family. Anything that I share will just be with family. So, in essence, we will use Google+ as our intra-family social media network. Maybe some may view this as a cheat or a fudge of my social media opt-out; but I’m willing to live with this exception.
Other Networks
There are other networks that have, intermittently, captured my attention. One network in particular, though, has become a burr in my saddle.
Some people my debate whether LinkedIn is a social network, because it brands itself as a professional networking site. That’s find and I get the qualifier, but in my mind it’s still a social network. I am not short-sighted about professional networking, even if I am not looking for a job; but I just don’t see, and have not seen, any tangible benefit for my presence on LinkedIn. The majority of people that want to connect with me are looking for an angle or connection into where I work — a federal regulatory agency. Most of the connection requests are transparent, and offer no substantive value.
Going Forward
Starting sometime between now and July 1st, I will be deleting my profiles on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Flikr, Last.fm, Spotify, and any other sites that I have failed to mention. Now, fully expect a number of people, reacting to my withdrawal from social media, to say something like this,
Why do you have to leave social media? Why don’t you just check in less?
My knee-jerk reaction is, “It’s my decision. I’m not judging you for staying, so don’t judge me for leaving.” The more measured and thoughtful response is that — and I, in no way, want to trivialize what alcoholics or drug addicts go through — I feel like I have to treat social media like an addiction. Trying to reduce my intake is not working. I have to step away completely. Chalk it up to my personality or the way my brain is wired, but I just don’t feel good. I am tired of constantly checking in, and then feeling guilty about all the time spent engaged in that activity. In the end, there’s a difference between going online and living online. I’ve spent way too much time doing the latter, and social media is the primary reason. I’m tired, and I need to pull off of the road.
Beyond the the general push-and-pull pangs of guilt over my time spent on social media, I feel like I have mastered the art of having knowledge of things that is a mile wide and an inch deep. I don’t spend any time getting to know more than the surface of any particular thing. My knowledge is cursory. To be honest, I like feeling knowledgeable and being able to engage in a conversation about many things. The problem, however, is that once I get past the surface knowledge, I resort to intelligent speculation. While I’d like to think that I am quite adept at tying things, even disparate things, together; there’s a nagging lack of satisfaction knowing that I am only scratching the surface of issues discussed.
To that end, want to focus more of my time reading. I feel as if I need to actually train my brain and body to sit still and read. Be it books, long-form works or short articles, I am out of practice of keeping my eyes glued to something longer than minute at a time. Carla and I were out walking on Saturday, and we passed the neighborhood DC Public Library near our house. I mentioned to her that in all my years in the neighborhood I had never stepped foot inside that building. No sooner did I speak those words than I decided that I am going to go in and get a library card. Talk about a throw-back concept. I also subscribed to the daily print version of The Washington Post and Sunday New York Times. I was encouraged that everyone in the house seems to be enjoying the paper. It makes me smile to walk downstairs and see Noah sitting on the couch reading the paper.
An editor for one of my favorite tech websites, The Verge, is taking a year off of the Internet. You can read his post about leaving the Internet here. I must admit that I first saw Paul’s move a tad self-indulgent. However, I have grown to admire what he’s doing, particularly as I have started to think about the growing sense of being overwhelemed. I read Paul’s articles about life without Internet with some interest (click here to find his installments), the prospect of opting out of the Internet is just a non-starter. Not because I don’t think that I could survive, but simply because my job requires access to the Internet. The same can be sound about the background stuff that I do for Carla’s business (websites, Google Apps & e-commerce). Additionally, I rely on the Internet for streaming video content, and without cable, I’m not willing to give that up.
I will continue to write on this blog — hopefully more. There may be some people who will ask, or want to know, why I have the two rows of sharing buttons below each post. My answer is simple. I am leaving social media, not you. If you see something you like doesn’t mean you are. Share away.
In the next couple of days I am going to delete the social media icons from my contact page. One thing that will remain is my email. Feel free to contact me. If you know me well, you have my phone number. Please drop me a line anytime. (Well, within reasonable. I typically don’t answer the phone before 10 am or after 10 pm on Saturdays and Sundays.)
I understand and respect your choices, sir.
Thank you.
Will you at least leave the archives up?
Archives? As in Facebook posts? That’s not possible. I’m either in or out. Come July 1st, all of my content Facebook will be gone. I don’t know if that means my comments made on others posts will disappear, but I would think so. Sorry.
Sorry to see you go. See you back in six months! just kidding. I get it and I should probably do something similar. I’ll look forward to reading your future blogs.
Ha! Thanks Rich. I should make the point that there’s always the chance that I could change my mind, but I seriously doubt it. If nothing else, to takes too much work to recreate stuff on these sites, particularly when you completely delete your profile.
Thanks for continuing to check out my blog. I’ve always appreciated the retweets.
Hi Matthew. I totally respect your decision. Regarding the comments on FB about viewing your blog, I just wanted to let you know that I can’t view it on my iPhone, either directly linked through FB or opening the page in Safari. Since this is the way we’ll keep in touch with you, I just wanted you to know there is a technical bug!
Thanks Belinda! I just added a new plugin that should optimize the site for mobile devices and tablets. Hopefully it works for you now.
Social media is not everyone’s bag, and that’s fine. It’s not imperative to a happy life. Enjoy offline!
Agreed. In my case, I think it was a matter of social media being too much of my bag. I got lost in the bag. Thanks for commenting!
Love it. And I got your digits.
You will be missed… but I respect your decision to “embrace life.”
Thanks Aaron!
Good luck! Will look forward to you having more time to write, and hopefully photograph, for your blog. I totally get addiction — can’t have any games on my Iphone, Ipad, or computer or I would not have a life.
As for the libraries, you are actually eligible to get a card in three jurisdictions — Md., VA., and DC (the VA one you can get online without ever having to go there). If you read ebooks, it triples your chance of getting them without much of a wait. And I love going to MLK — the shelves are full and the collections are amazing.
Thank you, Victoria. I wasn’t aware that I could get library card in all three jurisdictions. That’s cool.
I’m still trying to sort out what direction I’m going with my photography. Thanks for the encouragement.
you can also use them for audiobooks that you can download to your phone, iPad, etc. as well as Kindle books not just physical books.
Matthew, my first reaction while reading your FB post was one of panic. My reasoning was selfish — I will miss reading your comments, musings and instructional posts. I will miss this connection to someone I consider a friend, a voice of reason, and a keyboard comedian. Though unsolicited, I support your decision, and applaud you for doing what many others haven’t yet found the strength to do. I’ve got your email address and your phone number too (I think), so please don’t pass out from shock when I use one or both to FINALLY catch up with you and Carla.
. ~Chamene
ps — I can’t remember my password, so I’m posting as a “guest!”
Ok. Keyboard Comedian had me on the floor. I need to get that made into a t-shirt.
Thanks for reading and commenting Chamene. It’s funny how we connected in that acting class, and I, too, consider you a friend. Fortunately, we know how to reach each other, and I look forward to finally catching up one of these days, and again after that.
Guest or not on the blog comment section, I know you, and I’m glad you came.
Matthew — your decision to detach from social media should be a wake up call to all parents. If you, an adult, found yourself so ‘lost’ in the mires of ‘checking in, but not always checking out’, imagine what our children are going through!
I hope you enjoy recapturing life’s moments and I do know how to reach you!!
Sharon
Thanks Sharon. You raise a good point. I hadn’t even thought about whether this is an unintended precautionary tale about the downside of social media. It’s all fun until it overtakes your life. I didn’t get quite that far, but I definitely felt out of balance. I don’t know if younger people are always capable of knowing where the line is, or when things are too far out of kilter.
Best!
while i don’t spend a great deal of my time on Facebook (and even less on Twitter and Flickr) i have become slightly obsessed with a user generated music database which has eaten up tremendous chunks of my free time.
too bad i don’t have weekends off work. now that you’re freeing yourself from the tentacles of social media maybe you’d like to go fishin’ with me.
Thanks for the comment, Guy. I got the sense that you spend a lot of time listening to music. There could be far worse things to do with one’s time. Enjoy!
Matthew, I must admit that I too feel a lost from not being able to read your posts, your insights on issues and interests that we share. But, I completely understand and am glad that I took the time to read about your underlying reasons for exiting social media. It makes perfect sense. More importantly, it takes a person who really understands themselves to walk away from something that draws them in ways that you have described. I applaud you in your decision. That means that I will be calling you more on my way in to work, so better have you ass up! LOL!
Ha! Too funny Dotch. I’ll be up. Thanks for always being supportive. That’s what brothers are for.
Matthew
I totally agree with you and have been contemplating the same thing for FB though it seems like more of a ‘drastic’ measure than I’m willing to take right now. Same thing with Twitter. I’ve removed the FB icon from my iPhone, and keep twitter because I do like to peek in now and then, and some people I enjoy reading about have twitter — though I think their blogs may be best.
It’s just too much to keep track of, and like you said, most of it us surface knowledge of stuff and how many videos, etc. do you need to see?
robert
Thanks Robert. I remember your comments from the time that I took the three month social media sabbatical. I thought long and hard about whether complete withdrawal or moderation was best. The latter wasn’t working, so I had to go for a complete shut down.
A lot of the people in my Twitter feed got there because I read their blogs, or admire their (varied) work. Most of those folks populate my RSS feed reader, so I am happy to “settle” for the contemplated work and give up the random of-the-moment musings.
All the best!
I agree — use the RSS feeds and communicate through blog posts and comments like this
your posts are inspiring me to work on mine!
robert
Now you leave me no choice but to drag my ass to DC and meet you in person. You’re better than I am, though…I would have simply disappeared. Happy living, Matthew. I hope to shake your hand soon.
It took me a minute to stop chuckling before I could respond. I look forward to finally meeting up. If my son gets into this summer program at Morehouse, I may be in Atlanta at the end of July to pick him up. I’ll keep you posted.
I would have disappeared quietly, and quickly, but I wanted to give friends a chance to grab my contact info and now that I didn’t fall off of a cliff. Cheers, and I hope to see you soon!
Matthew! I applaud your decision — as I do the unplugged decision too (contemplating that myself this fall). So glad you’ll still be writing your blog. I look forward to your music and book posts. Please keep writing!
Thank you, Karen. I’m glad that we’ll stay in touch!
Well, I will definitely miss our G+ conversations…but I completely understand. I too took a digital sabbatical so I get all of this. While I cannot completely give it up for professional reasons, I have scaled back tremendously and it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. I’m sure we’ll find other ways to stay in touch. Good on you for taking this leap
Thank you Christie. I wonder if my decision might have been different if I had reached a decision about what to do with my photography. Who really knows? I know that social media can benefit brands (both individuals and businesses). Fortunately, I am at peace with my decision, and I look forward to seeing what fills the space that was so heavily overtaken by social media.
Thanks for reading and commenting. All the best, and let’s stay in touch.
I know you will find other creative ways to share
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I spoke on a panel last week and was asked the typical question we get on every social media panel: “Where do you see it going? What are the future trends?” One of my replies stirred up some disagreements but I stand by it. I think we will see a new digital divide of those who purposely “opt out” of this hyper connected world. I think to stay “non-social” (at least digitally speaking) they will need a solid network of other disconnectors, but with that base I think they will be able to do it. What you are doing is not new or strange, it is a personal choice and should be respected as such. I wish you the best of luck or your new “social-lite” media diet
Hi Corrie. Thanks for reading, commenting, and offering me well wishes.
I wouldn’t say that I am opting out of the hyper-connected world, per se. I prefer to think that I’ve merely chosen to take the local (social) roads instead of the freeways. I think that Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Instagram, and other services, or their users, have kind of co-opted the term social. I may be less social within the construct of social media, but I am just as sociable, if not more, as I was before and after leaving those services. It would be disingenuous to suggest that I don’t miss the engagement enjoyed with social media; but I figure those that want to stay in touch…will. I’ve struggled with where the middle ground lies between someone else’s preference to communicate via social media, and my choice to talk or email. Maybe it’s IM — hopefully enhanced with by doing a Hangout, or using Skype or FaceTime. It’s nice to see people.
Thanks to your friend for posting this on Carla’s FB page. I miss you terribly on FB. I hope you know that even though you won’t see my “like“s, I think of you and am always wishing you and your family the absolute best! Keep on reading those books!!!
Thank you, Heather. I appreciate your comment, and the only thing that I miss about Facebook is being in more frequent contact with good people, like you! All is well on my end, and I hope that the same can be said for you.
Cheers!
Hey, Matthew! Hope all is well. Just checking in to see if you’ll be posting an update on how all the unplugging has gone. What you’ve learned/what you’ve missed (if anything). Would be interesting to know.….
Happy new year!
Great read, feel like you speak for a lot of people
Hi John. Thanks for reading, and leaving a comment. I can’t believe that it is almost a year — well…I can, but that’s how the saying goes and I still get asked why I left social media. I usually direct people to this post. I plan to do a follow up post to reflect on a year after I pulled the plug.