I tried to read as much as I could about negotiating fees and determining what rights would convey and those I would retain. I’m sure, like many others, my first contract negotiation was generous. I don’t mind, though. The bigger picture for me is that this shoot marks, what I hope is, a step in the direction I would like my professional photography career to take.  That is, editorial/commercial photography.

Once all the paperwork was taken care of, my thoughts immediately turned to executing the shoot. I’ve been to a few photography studios recently, but, thankfully, my friend Sarah Mattingly graciously let me do the shoot in her studio. Not only did Sarah allow me use the space, she bent over backwards to help me set up and using studio lighting. I cannot thank Sarah enough for all her help and encouragement! While I can’t reveal the images from the shoot yet, I should be able to post some soon, or at least provide a link to client’s site where they will be used.

Inspired by Chase Jarvis, here are some videos shot on the day of the shoot, captured on my Canon G10. (I am making a mental note to pick up a Flip HD camera–or borrow my friend’s D90. The image perfectionist in me would like the video quality to be better.)

My intent was to shoot some behind-the-scenes shots to share my experience. Naturally, I got a little caught up in the shoot and didn’t do as much video as I had hoped. You’ll notice that I didn’t get to show you what gear I was working with.

I did all the shots with my Nikon D300. I had several lenses with me, but ended up shooting with a Nikon 18-135mm f/3.5-5.6G IF-ED. I kept the focal length nearly 50mm. (I SO need to get a 50mm 1.4!) Sarah’s beautiful studio is equipped with a number of AlienBees flash units and Pocket Wizard transmitters. We used three flash units on the shoot. One unit was used exclusively on the near-white studio wall to produce a clean white background.

On an aside, I must admit that I engaged in a fair amount of daydreaming while in Sarah’s studio. Someday, I would love to have a space like hers to call my own.

All told, I shot about 300 images. I narrowed the number down to 60 for the client’s contact sheets. I’m happy to report that the client was extremely happy with the proofs and asked for final processing of nearly 1/2 of the images provided.

What a great way to end 2009! I am hope this is just the beginning of what will be many opportunities in 2010.

Happy New Year!

As is the case with many people, I am my own toughest critic. Sometimes … too tough. I think what makes things seem tough is that I feel like I am kind of winging it. I would like to think that I am akin to a self-taught chef.  Someone who picks up skills on his own. Of course, what can happen with self-taught professionals is that they can become inefficiently proficient. Meaning, in spite of some bad habits or methods, they get the job done–often well. I think the thing for me is that I am a bit of a perfectionist, and get bogged down in thinking that I must completely master something before revealing my involvement or attempting to demonstrate my skills.

Your comments and e-mails reminded me of what one of my old bosses used to say to me. “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good enough.” This was his rather subtle way of asking me to give him what I had, and not hold it forever attempting to reach perfection. I had to let go at some point. The funny thing  was that my “good enough” work was usually pretty darn good. The lesson from that experience, clearly, continues to get lost with me.

There is a thing called “impostor syndrome.” In a nutshell, it’s a fear suffered by many people, often highly talented, that they are not actually capable of performing or sustaining work at a high level. They fear that any praise or recognition received is ill-gotten or a mistaken. Funnily enough, people who suffer from this insecurity tend to work extremely hard to compensate for what they believe is their shortcomings . The common result is that they perform extremely well; which, ironically results in them receive more praise and tougher assignments. It’s a emotional vicious circle.

I suspect that’s what’s going on, to some extent, with my photography. In spite of positive positive feedback, recognition, awards, or even requests (by people willing to pay) for my images, somewhere in my subconscious I’m thinking “You want me? Really?”

I need to get over this quickly. Recently, I was asked to take photos for a web-based newsletter promoting a commercial product. Uh oh. Do I have enough experience and knowledge of lighting to pull this off? Do I have the right equipment? Did I charge too much, too little?

You see how this quickly spirals? At the heart of this “impostor” is a fear, related to photography, that there is just so much I feel that I don’t know. Clearly, with so much to learn, I could in no way be a professional…right? I know all the right answers, but it’s much easier to know it than to apply it.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being modest or humble about your work, but I do recognize that I can hold myself out where am I and still grow. I have to truly realize that it’s not a static, either-or proposition.

So, I have enlisted the help of a fellow photographer for the commercial product shoot. What’s clear to me is that instead of sitting back and losing myself in the emotion of ineptness, I need to stay focused; look at what my friend is doing; and learn. The next shoot will be more about the client’s need and less about my background “stuff.” I am incredibly excited, and scared witless, about this job. Most of the concern, though, is wanting to deliver a stellar product for the client.

I’m sure it will all balance out, and these various experiences and challenges are opportunities for me to grow as a photographer–and a person. If you’ve recently started out, or have been in the business for a while, I would really like to hear about experiences. Though you may not have been dogged by the same doubts and fears, there is always a challenge establishing yourself. How did you feel when you turned over proofs to that first client?

I welcome your thoughts and advice.

What am I doing with my photography, and where do I want to go with, or take, my photography moving forward?

I am growing a bit weary of random shooting. Well, let me rephrase. I love to shoot “stuff,” and almost always have a camera with me to capture what my eyes are drawn to. What I’m driving at is that I long to be more focused with my work. Unbeknownst to Chase Jarvis, I’ve adopted him as a mentor, because he is doing the type of work that I hope to on a consistent basis, and his blog is a really useful tool. Editorial prints. I am constantly looking at work in various media to see how things are shot. I’m looking at the angles, the lighting, the depth, color temperature…everything. I’m often comforted when I look at editorial images in magazines and think, “Hey, my shots of ____ look just like (or are better than) that.” The reality sets in that I have no clue on how to get my images into those publications.

Take a step back from that, though, is the not-so-sobering reality that I have a ways to go in terms of just having sound photographic fundamentals. Drawing the analogy to the point Chase’s post, I probably have created shots solely on raw available ingredients than I have with a sound understanding and mastery of my tools-of-the-trade. I, like so many others, am clamoring for some new gear—particularly a full-frame camera. In the meantime, I don’t have proper lighting equipment, nor much substantive depth on how to use that equipment when available. I love shooting with natural light. I have, however started to wonder if my “I prefer to use natural light” approach is really an unrecognized admission that I’m scared to death about external lighting.

It ruffles my feathers when people say it, because photography is not a hobby. It is truly something I feel genuinely drawn to do. I feel that with that acknowledgement, though, comes a tremendous responsibility to commit to learning the craft. Chase’s post really spoke to me because I feel like I made splash by saying that I am a photographer without really doing the gritty legwork. To the end, I’ve decided to take a few steps back with my work and approach to establishing myself as a professional photographer. I am revamping my website to pare down what I’m pushing out for the world to see. Not because I’m ashamed of my work. I am, in fact, quite proud of my photography. Instead, I want to put a little less time into pushing out images, and take more time absorbing information and advice on how to become the photographer I aspire to be. There are a couple of books by David duChemin that address a photographers “vision” that I really want to sink my teeth into. Based on the excerpts that I’ve read, I believe his words may shed some light on ill-illuminated path on which I seem to be standing idle.

I don’t really know what direction this AHA moment will take me. Maybe it’s enrolling in a professional photography program. Perhaps it’s trailing and assisting those in the editorial field to build my base of knowledge. What ever it is, I am open, and willing, to putting in the effort to continually develop and mature as a photographer. I will leave “successful” out of that last line because the term is too subjective. My success may never be determined by garnering commercial clients to do their print ad work. Instead, I believe success—for me—will be defined by having all the requisite skills to be capable if and when the client calls.

It’s a process. I am willing to expose myself here for the purpose of laying my angst down and moving forward. I would really appreciate hearing from you. I would particularly like to hear from those who are also gnashing their teeth about the same issues and questions. I would also benefit from insight and advice from those who have climbed that hill and see the broad horizon clearly.