01 — Exactly like you 00:00:00
02 — Moody’s mood for love 00:05:13
03 — I’ve got my love to keep me warm 00:08:38
04 — I got it bad (And that ain’t good) 00:11:56
05 — Social call 00:16:31
06 — Detour ahead 00:19:56
07 — No regrets 00:22:23
08 — Frosty morning blues 00:26:30
09 — Easy to love 00:31:13
10 — I wonder where our love has gone 00:34:40
11 — Anything goes 00:39:16
12 — After you’ve gone 00:44:04
After a year, or so, of running bookmarks on Tumblr, I decided to bring the series back to my blog. It is a little more labor intensive to run the series here, but I like the look and feel more. I think that I will keep my Tumblr, and use it for sharing more random or spur-of-the-moment things. If you like this series coming back to my blog, I’d appreciate hearing from you.
This post will be longer than usual, because I have a lot of bookmarked articles and videos.
A couple of years ago, I posted a piece about on shoes. I used to a bit of a clothes and shoe person when I worked on Capitol Hill and downtown as a lobbyist. Today, I dress much more casually at work, but I still like a good suit and shoes. Here is pretty cool infographic on pairing/matching shoes with suits of varying colors that I spotted on Business Insider.
Click on the infographic to enlarge
I was heading into the shower at the gym today, and I noticed a slender guy jump onto the scale. I freely admit that an exasperatingly wry voice in my head said, “Huh! Like you need to get on a scale. [eyes rolling]”
I walked along into the shower and stood there with my negative thought. My mind ran back to some pre-marital counseling sessions. The counselor would challenge me, when I was having a bout of jealousy or a negative thought, to stop and examine that negative thought. Think about where that feeling was really coming from. Most of the time, the problem be discovered in my reaction, not the action itself. With that in mind, I had an “Aha!” moment.
I recalled a recent conversation with my good friend Elliott about getting in shape and having a poor body image. I occasionally, and sadly passive-aggressively, zing him about his toned physique, and he jabs me right back. He reminded me that there are a good number of people that struggle to put, or keep, weight on. Considering that I have always struggled with taking, or keeping, weight off, I never even thought of the flip side of the coin. I really appreciate having friends who not only get me, but are also willing to challenge me to see things differently.
I usually take pretty quick showers, but lingered today because I needed to let these thought play out. What if that guy was staring down at the scale and excited because he gained two pounds? What if he, unbeknownst to me, looked at the scale with despair because his weight was the same, or possibly less than the last time? Conversely, what if that guy has been working on weight loss for years and I was seeing the result of his hard work and commitment to fitness? Whatever the reason, the problem was not his. It was, and is, mine.
The issue is not about what back story, if any, the guy on the scale has. No. The real issue here is why I cared about that slender guy getting on the scale. My negative thought was less about him, than it was one of comparison and self-loathing. I have been working hard on exercising regularly and eating well. (Keep an eye out for a blog post about that, soon.) Since going to the gym regularly, and working with a personal trainer, I have started to look at some people as inspiration. A body goal. Even with that, though, I occasionally find myself looking at very fit or slender people with a small dose of visual venom. I, often unwittingly, am casting mental/emotional shade on some toned individual because I don’t have the same build. What kind of sense does that make? Now that I am working with a trainer, the thought makes even less sense. I know how much work it takes to get, let alone be, tone. Why hate on someone who has worked hard to have a nice body?
I finally turned off the water in the shower, and stood for another minute or two to finish this rumination. I walked away feeling lighter. I am glad that I had that negative thought, because it forced me to confront the genesis of the real issue. I plan to use this moment as a reminder to stop at the very moment that a negative thought comes into my mind. I won’t beat myself up for having thought. Instead, I will try to be honest about where those feelings are coming from. Is it really the other person? Most often, the answer is no. I am slowly learning to stay in my lane, and stop comparing myself, or my progress, to others. It’s a struggle.
I’m sharing this interesting infographic with those who plunked down a lot of money for a nice KitchenAid mixer, and then [secretly] wondered “What the hell does this attachment do?” That is, if you ever even used it for anything other than an impressive countertop decoration.
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
― Robert A. Heinlein
image credit: Karen Kurycki