I have to state, at the outset, that I am especially grateful to so many of you that reached out to me after my last blog piece. It was really encouraging to receive comments and emails offering support, feedback, advice, and even a few admonishments. Please accept my sincere thanks. With so many blogs, social media, and things to read, generally, these days, I am humbled that you find time to read mine.

As is the case with many people, I am my own toughest critic. Sometimes … too tough. I think what makes things seem tough is that I feel like I am kind of winging it. I would like to think that I am akin to a self-taught chef.  Someone who picks up skills on his own. Of course, what can happen with self-taught professionals is that they can become inefficiently proficient. Meaning, in spite of some bad habits or methods, they get the job done–often well. I think the thing for me is that I am a bit of a perfectionist, and get bogged down in thinking that I must completely master something before revealing my involvement or attempting to demonstrate my skills.

Your comments and e-mails reminded me of what one of my old bosses used to say to me. “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good enough.” This was his rather subtle way of asking me to give him what I had, and not hold it forever attempting to reach perfection. I had to let go at some point. The funny thing  was that my “good enough” work was usually pretty darn good. The lesson from that experience, clearly, continues to get lost with me.

There is a thing called “impostor syndrome.” In a nutshell, it’s a fear suffered by many people, often highly talented, that they are not actually capable of performing or sustaining work at a high level. They fear that any praise or recognition received is ill-gotten or a mistaken. Funnily enough, people who suffer from this insecurity tend to work extremely hard to compensate for what they believe is their shortcomings . The common result is that they perform extremely well; which, ironically results in them receive more praise and tougher assignments. It’s a emotional vicious circle.

I suspect that’s what’s going on, to some extent, with my photography. In spite of positive positive feedback, recognition, awards, or even requests (by people willing to pay) for my images, somewhere in my subconscious I’m thinking “You want me? Really?”

I need to get over this quickly. Recently, I was asked to take photos for a web-based newsletter promoting a commercial product. Uh oh. Do I have enough experience and knowledge of lighting to pull this off? Do I have the right equipment? Did I charge too much, too little?

You see how this quickly spirals? At the heart of this “impostor” is a fear, related to photography, that there is just so much I feel that I don’t know. Clearly, with so much to learn, I could in no way be a professional…right? I know all the right answers, but it’s much easier to know it than to apply it.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being modest or humble about your work, but I do recognize that I can hold myself out where am I and still grow. I have to truly realize that it’s not a static, either-or proposition.

So, I have enlisted the help of a fellow photographer for the commercial product shoot. What’s clear to me is that instead of sitting back and losing myself in the emotion of ineptness, I need to stay focused; look at what my friend is doing; and learn. The next shoot will be more about the client’s need and less about my background “stuff.” I am incredibly excited, and scared witless, about this job. Most of the concern, though, is wanting to deliver a stellar product for the client.

I’m sure it will all balance out, and these various experiences and challenges are opportunities for me to grow as a photographer–and a person. If you’ve recently started out, or have been in the business for a while, I would really like to hear about experiences. Though you may not have been dogged by the same doubts and fears, there is always a challenge establishing yourself. How did you feel when you turned over proofs to that first client?

I welcome your thoughts and advice.

career, confidence, fears, professionalism

I was reading a blog post by Chase Jarvis yesterday about his frustration with photographers who seem to put an inordinate amount of time into creating catchy business cards and marketing materials instead of honing their craft. I come down somewhere in the middle about that point. While thinking about what to write as a comment to the post, an “Aha!” moment hit me. I’m writing it down before my thoughts are lost.

What am I doing with my photography, and where do I want to go with, or take, my photography moving forward?

I am growing a bit weary of random shooting. Well, let me rephrase. I love to shoot “stuff,” and almost always have a camera with me to capture what my eyes are drawn to. What I’m driving at is that I long to be more focused with my work. Unbeknownst to Chase Jarvis, I’ve adopted him as a mentor, because he is doing the type of work that I hope to on a consistent basis, and his blog is a really useful tool. Editorial prints. I am constantly looking at work in various media to see how things are shot. I’m looking at the angles, the lighting, the depth, color temperature…everything. I’m often comforted when I look at editorial images in magazines and think, “Hey, my shots of ____ look just like (or are better than) that.” The reality sets in that I have no clue on how to get my images into those publications.

Take a step back from that, though, is the not-so-sobering reality that I have a ways to go in terms of just having sound photographic fundamentals. Drawing the analogy to the point Chase’s post, I probably have created shots solely on raw available ingredients than I have with a sound understanding and mastery of my tools-of-the-trade. I, like so many others, am clamoring for some new gear—particularly a full-frame camera. In the meantime, I don’t have proper lighting equipment, nor much substantive depth on how to use that equipment when available. I love shooting with natural light. I have, however started to wonder if my “I prefer to use natural light” approach is really an unrecognized admission that I’m scared to death about external lighting.

It ruffles my feathers when people say it, because photography is not a hobby. It is truly something I feel genuinely drawn to do. I feel that with that acknowledgement, though, comes a tremendous responsibility to commit to learning the craft. Chase’s post really spoke to me because I feel like I made splash by saying that I am a photographer without really doing the gritty legwork. To the end, I’ve decided to take a few steps back with my work and approach to establishing myself as a professional photographer. I am revamping my website to pare down what I’m pushing out for the world to see. Not because I’m ashamed of my work. I am, in fact, quite proud of my photography. Instead, I want to put a little less time into pushing out images, and take more time absorbing information and advice on how to become the photographer I aspire to be. There are a couple of books by David duChemin that address a photographers “vision” that I really want to sink my teeth into. Based on the excerpts that I’ve read, I believe his words may shed some light on ill-illuminated path on which I seem to be standing idle.

I don’t really know what direction this AHA moment will take me. Maybe it’s enrolling in a professional photography program. Perhaps it’s trailing and assisting those in the editorial field to build my base of knowledge. What ever it is, I am open, and willing, to putting in the effort to continually develop and mature as a photographer. I will leave “successful” out of that last line because the term is too subjective. My success may never be determined by garnering commercial clients to do their print ad work. Instead, I believe success—for me—will be defined by having all the requisite skills to be capable if and when the client calls.

It’s a process. I am willing to expose myself here for the purpose of laying my angst down and moving forward. I would really appreciate hearing from you. I would particularly like to hear from those who are also gnashing their teeth about the same issues and questions. I would also benefit from insight and advice from those who have climbed that hill and see the broad horizon clearly.

career, vision

At times, I find that pursuing the road to making photography my “day job” is akin to being a contestant on the CBS reality show Amazing Race. Contestants expend considerable energy–physical, emotional, intellectual–peforming challenges and piecing clues together so they may reach a given destination; only to discover that the reward for all that effort is an envelope revealing the next challenge. I am convinced that I am on the right path, because not once have I been discouraged by the challenges presented. I have a tendency to become bored, particularly once I’ve solved the challenge. Pursuing a career as a photographer, especially in the digital age, is anything but boring because the challenges are new and numerous.

One of the legs on this journey has proven to be quite befuddling. That issue is a question of focus. I don’t mean focus, as in the ability to concentrate. My dilemma is determining or defining the focus of my photography. 

I look at many photographers with some measure of envy because they are so clearly focused. Whether their focus is weddings, portraiture, nature, food, etc., I play this “Man, they’ve got it all figured out” tape in my head. If only I could find one theme, subject matter, or genre to concentrate my photographic energy on, perhaps my path forward would be more clear. 

This tug over whether to have a narrow or wide focus is what has, effectively, ground my website to a standstill. I am pretty settled on the layout, color scheme, and division of pages on the site. Where I can’t seem to get the site in gear is the galleries. What I’ve come to realize is that my subject matter is all over the place. As I move from one image folder to the next, looking to build galleries, I become increasingly frustrated. Just what is my focus? How do I winnow all these images down into cogent, discernable galleries? How do I capture the attention, and make sense of my images to those visiting my site for the first time? I do suspect that my photographic style would become apparent, irrespective of the subject matter, but is that enough to bind the images into a cohesive, pallatable galleries? 

Beyond, and more important than, my concern about the content of my web galleries is the thought of attracting clients. I envision most people having an idea of the type of subject that want in image, and/or will tend to gravitate toward photographers, or other artists, that clearly present work that fits what’s in their mind’s eye. It’s probably an age-old question. Do you adapt your art to fit the appetite of the buyer, or does the buyer adapt to the artist’s work? I would like to think it’s the latter. (Or at least that’s my hope.)

As with many things, I’m inspired by Carla. In this instance, I think about Carla frequently being asked about her catering company. People often ask her, “What’s your culinary specialty?” Her answer, some what tongue-in-cheek, is “Good food.” Her point is that she doesn’t have a singular focus, per se. She adapts and tailors each menu to the clients needs. Carla’s focus and talent is her breadth.

Clearly there’s a place and a role for specialists. Just as there are executive chefs, bakers, pastry chefs, sauciers, garde mangers, etc….there are photographic specialists.  I have to believe there is also a place, or space, for a photographer who covers many fronts. The key for a generalist, if you will, is to be incredibly competent in many different areas, so as to deliver the desire product to a diverse clientele. Of course, this is the musing of a photographer at the nascent stage of his career. The beauty of journaling these thoughts will be that I can revisit them years from now to see where I’ve been and what path traveled.  It’s my hope that a focus will be revealed, or, in the alternative, I display the aptitude and gain acceptance for doing many things well.

career, vision